The World’s Quickest Advice Column
I’m overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. Go for a walk.
I need to be healthier. Make ONE decision today that’s better than yesterday.
I do well for a week and then run out of steam. Do less. Use less willpower.
I missed my workout yesterday! Do it today. Do it now.
I want to wake up earlier. Put your alarm clock across the room.
I want to exercise in the morning. Sleep in your workout clothes.
I ate like crap and feel guilty. Stop. Make your next meal healthy and MOVE ON.
I need to lose weight. Cut back on sugar. Eat real food.
I need to get bigger. Pick up heavy things and eat more.
I spend too much time on stupid sites. Install this. For PC users.
I want to travel but don’t have time. Make it a priority.
I want my [significant other] to get healthy. You can’t force them, only inspire.
I always procrastinate. Pick a goal. Pay your friend $50 every time you fail to complete it.
I suck at building healthy habits. Not anymore!
I want to do [crazy fitness goal] and [unrelated crazy fitness goal] at the same time. “Don’t half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” -Ron Swanson
I want to look like [ripped celebrity]. Unless you have their resources, it’s an unfair comparison. Pick REAL heroes to follow.
I don’t like my job. Slash your expenses. Start work on something you care about. Choose Yourself. Maybe invent your own job. I did.
Yesterday sucked. Good thing it’s over. Move on.
I’m worried about tomorrow. Focus on today.— http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/07/22/the-worlds-quickest-advice-column-part-2/ (via everything-comes-and-goes)
Someone man enough to turn me back from the darkside because women are driving me nuts.
Natalie Portman; with or without clothes
Exams are imminent
I’ve totally fucked up again. What the hell have I been doing all year? I wish I had a good excuse but the truth is I’ve spent about 40 weeks googling cats, Nazis and porn. Needless to say, I have a crushing amount of revision to do and in desperation conducted a Google search for “where can I buy time?”.
Personally, I think this search page is one of the most accurate reflections of the human mind
1. “Where can I buy a timed plug? so that I can set it to turn itself off”
Lazy fucking shitbag
2. “Where can I buy brand Viagra”
I think most Viagra is branded. Is this person from North Korea? Who buys backstreet Viagra anyway? Where do you FIND backstreet Viagra?
3. “Where can I buy sextoys online, its my first time looking for them”
Isn’t the Google search bar a better place for this question? Slut.
4. “Where can I buy cake sparklers in time for sat ??”
Clearly a quote from Lucy Watsons blog…
Did you mean…
· Where can I buy a time machine?
YES. That’s exactly what I meant.
· Movie buying time
I cannot work out why this has been suggested. Unless there is a group of retards that find online stores by telling their laptop exactly what time it is.
· What time can I buy a euromillions ticket?
It’s not a Gremlin you stupid cunt. Do people normally need direction with this?
· Can t get a date
Invest some time in your written English. Get laid. PROFIT
· Can get pregnant first time
Sounds like a slogan on an imported Chinese condom.